Saturday, March 12, 2016

Healthy Me,

I know it does no good to dwell on you, but most days I miss your ignorance. It is bliss, they say.

You take everything for granted. 

I yearn for the days when you took the world on with unclouded vision. And the days where your entire future was illuminated by the sunshine reflected in your bright, wide eyes. You are unaware of the shades of gray that eventually obscure your once luminous dreams.

I also long for the days where you chased life with fervor - like when you were the little girl dashing carelessly in pursuit of your soccer ball. You stand so high. You do not anticipate life knocking you down to a crawl, or that living in limbo rather than embracing your future is a common occurrence. 

Surely you never speculate that you will become undoubtedly misunderstood. You will face the internal struggle of being too sick to function, but having outsiders neglect your pain because you appear too ‘healthy’ at times to truly be ill. However, you have yet to recognize that others are not your greatest threat. 

You are not prepared for battle. You are oblivious that your worst enemy is yourself. You do not predict that your largest betrayer is the one encoded in every strand of your DNA. 

I bet you do not know that the agenda for war is mapped throughout your veins and that on bad days, you misplace your ammo amidst the bags of warm fluids and IV lines. Courage to fight, some days,  is lost beneath the pills and the hospital beds. 

You do not expect the days where the pain from constant combat settles in your bones, or when defeat swells in the pit of your stomach. But that is okay because the daily war of chronic illness is taxing. 

Healthy me, the fight you will endure is unexpected and brutal. 

Regardless, positives result from your daily experiences. Your relationships are strengthened. Best friendships with others in similar situations are formed that develop a bond connecting you everlastingly.

Empathy replaces selfishness of the period of time formerly consumed with living for yourself. Love and faith are no challenges for the resentment and hopelessness in the battle against your own flesh and blood. 

Always remember that for each aspect of your life to mourn, there is a new to express gratitude towards. 

You may not yet appreciate the little things; although, you soon will learn. I am proud of how you will utilize your unfortunate situation  as a lesson to cherish life. 

Now, do not forget to live. Live abundantly, laugh unceasingly, and love relentlessly.